the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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