Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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