it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
