I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
