so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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