before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
