he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
