Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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