I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
