arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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