You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
