I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
