he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
