Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
