Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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