i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
