Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
