Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
