My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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