Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
