life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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