We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
