I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
