i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like eating out sand paper
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
