I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
