Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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