This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
