I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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