you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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