Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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