so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
