and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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