Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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