I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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