I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
In America we eat man semen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
