no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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