At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
