She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
