drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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