Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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