Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
