I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
