Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
