If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The air was thick with penises
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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