You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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