are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
