i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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