"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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