Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
