dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
