So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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