i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
