Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
