not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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