I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
