You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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