her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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