It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
