I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
