Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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