I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
