She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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