dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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