he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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