Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
