even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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