remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
