Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
