A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Still dying that you shit outside
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize