Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
