I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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