and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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