Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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