You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
