So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
