She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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