I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
