Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
