You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
