Sober January is a disaster.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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