I want to make a zoo with you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
